Before You Heal, You Need to Know What You’re Dealing With

When most people come to me with pain, stress, or burnout, they’re ready to fix something.
“Tell me what exercises to do.”
“Give me stretches for my back.”
“Teach me how to calm down.”

But here’s the truth. Before we can heal your nervous system, we need to understand it.
Because not all nervous systems respond to stress the same way.

Some people freeze.
Some run.
Some please.
Some fight.

And your body remembers those patterns.

You might think you’re bad at relaxing or that you just don’t have discipline. But your nervous system is following a script it learned years ago, one that once kept you safe.

That’s why throwing random “self-care” strategies at the wall doesn’t always work.
If you’re grounding when your body actually needs activation, or pushing through pain when your body needs safety, you’re teaching your nervous system the wrong lesson.

I see this every week in the clinic.
People doing everything right - breathwork, mobility drills, ice baths, meditation - and still feeling stuck. Not because the methods were wrong, but because they were mismatched to their nervous system type.

Understanding your type gives you a map.
It helps you work with your body instead of against it.
Let’s work towards to the most efficient way in healing (or life in general - I’ve been told that I am the laziest Asian they know. Hence, I am always finding the most efficient way to do things).

So, what kind of nervous system are you working with
Let’s break down the four main responder types: Freeze, Flight, Fawn, and Fight - what each one looks like, what happens when you try to heal the wrong way, and what actually works.

The Freeze Responder

State: Dorsal vagal (shutdown)
Typical feelings: Exhausted, numb, disconnected
Hidden driver: Overwhelm
What you need: Gentle activation, slow movement, breath

What it looks like

You feel heavy and foggy. The thought of getting up and doing something feels impossible. You zone out, lose motivation, and your body feels like it’s dragging through mud.

This is your system pulling the emergency brake. It’s trying to protect you from too much stimulation.

Studies show that the freeze response happens when both fight and flight feel impossible. It’s your body saying, “Play dead until it’s safe again.” (Kozlowska et al., 2015, Frontiers in Psychology)

When you do the wrong thing

If you push yourself with high-intensity workouts or force productivity, your body shuts down even harder. You’ll feel drained, frustrated, and may trigger pain flare-ups or burnout.

What to do instead

Start small. Gentle mobility, slow walking, or breath-led stretching.
Focus on consistency over intensity.
Use breathwork that lengthens your exhale to gently activate your system.
The goal isn’t to go fast - it’s to remind your body it’s safe to move again.

The Flight Responder

State: Sympathetic (mobilised)
Typical feelings: Anxious, restless, alert
Hidden driver: Control
What you need: Grounding, slowing down, safety signals

What it looks like

You’re always in motion. Your brain races faster than your body can keep up. You keep yourself busy because slowing down feels dangerous.
Your system is constantly scanning for the next problem to solve.

This isn’t just “anxiety.” It’s a physiological state. Your body is flooded with adrenaline, keeping you ready to move. But when it never switches off, exhaustion creeps in.

When you do the wrong thing

If you try to “outrun” stress with overtraining, caffeine, or constant productivity, you’ll just amplify the dysregulation. The nervous system learns that stillness equals danger, so you never actually rest.

What to do instead

Slow everything down.
Try grounding drills: feet flat on the floor, notice the texture beneath you.
Walk slowly. Strength train with tempo — controlled, focused reps.
End sessions with breathwork or stillness to teach your body that calm can be safe too.

The Fawn Responder

State: Blended (people-pleasing, hyper-aware)
Typical feelings: Tense, drained, anxious around others
Hidden driver: Fear of rejection
What you need: Identity-building, boundary work, self-trust

What it looks like

You feel safest when everyone else is happy. You say “yes” when you mean “no.” You check on others before you check on yourself.
Your nervous system learned that connection equals safety, even at the cost of your own needs.

This pattern often develops from prolonged relational stress or trauma — times when you had to keep the peace to stay safe.

When you do the wrong thing

If you keep focusing on others’ expectations and ignore your own, your body starts showing it. Tension in the jaw, neck, and shoulders. Chronic fatigue. Emotional burnout.
Your system lives in a constant tug-of-war between wanting to please and wanting to rest.

What to do instead

Start with micro-boundaries. Say “I’ll get back to you” instead of an instant yes.
In movement, reclaim ownership. Train for yourself, not to meet anyone’s approval.
Focus on exercises that help you feel strong and grounded — planks, resistance work, slow breath holds.
Remind your body that you’re allowed to take up space.

The Fight Responder

State: Sympathetic (defensive)
Typical feelings: Irritable, impatient, wired but tired
Hidden driver: Protection
What you need: Safe release, strength work with recovery, down-regulation

What it looks like

You meet stress with intensity. You’re assertive, motivated, and direct — until you’re not.
You push through pain, override fatigue, and treat rest like weakness. When things feel out of control, you double down and work harder.

This response once kept you safe. It’s power turned up to max volume. But when it stays on too long, it burns through your energy stores and your body pays the price.

When you do the wrong thing

If you keep training harder without recovery, or suppress anger instead of releasing it safely, your system stays in overdrive. You’ll crash, burn, and wonder why your body hurts despite being “fit.”

What to do instead

Channel that fire productively.
Strength training works — but include structured rest and slow-down rituals after.
Use breath work to downshift: exhale longer, drop your shoulders.
Balance high output with conscious decompression. You don’t need to stop fighting, you just need to fight smarter.

Why This Matters

This isn’t just mindset work. It’s biology.
When you understand how your nervous system reacts, you can finally work with your body’s wiring instead of forcing it into someone else’s healing formula.

If you keep doing things that don’t match your type, you’ll stay stuck.
You’ll keep chasing tools that don’t fit, like wearing the wrong size shoes and wondering why you can’t run properly.

When you start listening to your body’s language — its sensations, its pacing, its triggers — that’s when things change. Pain starts to shift. Stress becomes manageable. You stop fighting yourself.

The Takeaway

You don’t need to “fix” your nervous system.
You just need to understand it.

Once you know your type, you can train it, soothe it, and build resilience on your own terms.

Take the QUIZ to find out which responder type fits you best, and finally start working with your body, not against it.

Move always & all ways.
Kai

xx